Have you ever felt like something is off in your life, like there is something smothering your fire? What happens when you realize you are the hose, poking yourself out? Then what…? Do you do something about it, or just allow yourself to fade away in hopes that something will come around and fan your flames?
I am stuck in a place right now where I am happy, yet sad. Confident, yet insecure. Optimistic, yet closed off. It really is the weirdest thing. I find that I have more than every reason to wake up excited to start my days, and somehow I end up back in the place of “it’s just another day.” Another day? JUST another day!? Am I out of my mind?? I AM ALIVE! I am healthy (well, for the most part anyway,) and I have another chance to start all over again. If I don’t like how the day turned out its okay, a new one starts tomorrow. Nothing is permanent, but everything is relevant… So why do I forget this?
I went for a ride with my sister after work and we talked. Somehow we got into a conversation about what’s right and what’s wrong. It is really easy to point your fingers at someone and call out their faults… but, what about pointing them at yourself when you are not doing the “right things?” What about holding yourself accountable for the bad decisions that you have made, and the bad decisions you have yet to make? What about your procrastination, or your minimum amounts of effort to better yourself? I did that tonight… and it led me here to this blog.
We all have a purpose in this life of ours, and it’s up to ourselves to figure out what that is. I believe we are all given little signs, here an there, to show us who we are and what we are capable of.. but, are our eyes opened up enough to see them? Are we just flowing through life, like the waves in the sea, without diving down?
After dropping my sister off, I was lost in the songs of K-Love. K-Love is a Christian station that makes me feel like I am at peace, one with myself, and one with God. What are the odds that I just so happened to look up, and A huge flickering billboard took me by surprise. I have probably seen this billboard a number of times, but never have really “seen” it… you know? “Where are you going? Heaven or hell.” Wow. Just wow.
Have you ever put any thought into where you are going? Do your actions line up with your destination? As good as a person that I’d like to think I am, I wondered. Have I aligned my thoughts with my actions, wanting to be as pure as I could possibly be? If I’m going to be honest, no, I have not. So often I find that I am overtaken by darkness, even though I know I have so much light to share. Why? How can I let one bad moment turn me into someone I do not wish to be?
Our environment is everything! If being somewhere brings out the worst in you at times, why keep going to that dreadful place? Is it because we love chaos, or because we feel we have no other choice? News flash, there is ALWAYS a choice. I am starting to get to the point where I know I am making the wrong choices. I am allowing myself to be stuck in a place that alters who I am, and makes me question if I am going to heaven, or hell.
I know for sure that I am a good person. Do I make bad decisions? Absolutely. We all do. However, each and every day is a new opportunity to change the things we wish, and strive to be who we wish to be. What we do on the earthly plane is just to prepare us for where we are going. If the power lies within you, what are you doing about it? Where are you going? Who do you wish to be?